The reason I’ve been gone so long is that I was just walking down the street, and suddenly, this really, really, REALLY bright light came HURTLING (that’s a damn fine word innit?) out of the night sky, until it hovered just above me.

I got sucked up into this HUGE alien space ship, did a 9 month tour of the solar system (and no, there was no probing of any sort!) until I picked up a distant vibration of trouble on earth. I whined and whined so much that the aliens couldn’t stand it, zoomed back to earth and spat me back out right on my street!

I came back to find that Australia had actually LOST a cricket match, George Bush still ran America, and the frock-wearing sex god Tone, has been a bit under the weather. Ugh!

To those of you who left comments and sent emails, thanks. I’ll try to stay off the street when aliens are about next time.

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