My Project Manager’s first language isn’t English, though he speaks English as well as anyone else.

It’s the dodgier side of English that he hasn’t been exposed to, including Australian colloquialisms (well he might have been exposed, but they probably flew clear over his head). He’s also a religious man, which will probably explain a lot in the following story.

A select few of us naughtier people in the project, have made it our mission to “educate” our boss in the finer nuances of the seamier side of the language, so that he can understand the conversation (well, the conversation if he were at a rough Australian pub bar at least…)

It all started with the following episode.

My boss and his offsider meet with my team-members and I on a weekly basis to monitor our progress against the project plan, and discuss any issues we might have. At one such meeting, the boss picks up his mobile phone and says “I’ll just turn my vibrator on”.

Of course, my team-mate and I look at each-other and have a little giggle at the terminology used, when the boss looks at us quizzically and asks what it was that he said that was wrong. Me, always the one to provide frank and fearless feedback, tried to explain to him that his terminology was a bit wrong, and that what he said would probably provoke the same reaction in others.

He asked “what is a vibrator?” (which set off everybody else in the room again), who helpfully suggested that I might explain it to him (THANKS GUYS… NOT!), so I very VERY delicately explained what a vibrator was, and where you could get them. I could see that this was an extremely enlightening conversation for him (and hilariously funny for the others… bastards).

I was feeling smug, thinking about how I had widened this man’s horizons on the subject when his next question rang out…

“Do you have one?”

:eek_wp:

Sufficed to say, great howling could be heard coming from the conference room, and I, beetroot red, declined to answer.

Well I’m happy to say that my trauma is starting to fade after that incident.

Not wanting to be beaten in my quest to enlighten, one day, when the boss asked me for a paper on a particular subject required URGENTLY, I thought it was time that he was introduced to the colloquialism of “Yeah, I’ll just pull one out of my arse”, which I did, and he thought was hilarious too.

Except…

When he attempts to use the term, he just says “I’ll (or you) just pull it”.

Seriously, someone ELSE is gonna have to explain the perils of saying THAT!

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