Well for my first subject of grumble, there was clearly an outstanding first bunch of candidates: The old four cylinder Japanese shitbox with the insane sound system drivers.

I don’t know what it’s like in the ‘States, or the land of the great unwashed, England, but they have been a disturbing phenomenon here in Australia for some years now, and they totally pull my grumpy-strings.

These are the young guys who drive pre-1995 4 cylinder Japanese cars that they have modified (mostly with nothing else but a loud exhaust), with sound systems (predominantly sub-woofers) worth triple the worth of the car.

The first sign of their impending arrival is the faint, but growing sound of “doof, doof, doof, doof” coming from a distance. They then come into view, exhausts farting and the migraine-inducing thud of the subwoofer blaring.

As they pass, the sound becomes deafening and you start coughing from the exhaust fumes before the “doof, doof, doof” starts receding into the distance. Seriously, the sound could take a full 60 seconds to totally die away.

A total 100% of the time, these tools will have their driver AND passenger windows wound down, no matter what the weather, and almost ALWAYS when they are in the car alone. The music of course, is without exception, some nameless club dance mix, quality ‘eh?

Well here’s my message to these guys:

  • You are a tool, yes T. O. O. L.
  • We are not impressed by your loud, old, Japanese shitbox. It is a shitbox.
  • We don’t care how much money you have spent modifying it. Putting a loud exhaust on a 4 cylinder car is stupid. Period.
  • Your music sucks. If we don’t choose to go to your dance club, we shouldn’t have to hear that shit on the main street of our home town.
  • No, we aren’t enjoying your choice of music. Wind the fucking window UP.
  • You think we are awed and impressed? No, we aren’t. We are thinking “What a fuckwit…”

That is all.

:smile_wp:


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